Nothing

Nothing no words
the cat has my tongue he hold on to it fiercely
medication took my pen
all the ink ran out
nothing flowed
the ink returned flying as a free bird
nothing is everything
unscrambled thoughts untied
burnt into the crumbled paper
clear as day, colourful as autumn
words appear as new leaves upon
a old worn out tree
the words unraveling like wild branches
the words flow into song

Tusnami

I don't know where these emotions these feelings, I don't know how they came
these feelings are there all time until
they are nothing fuelled by excuses and shame
Living in a dream
where the water consumes from up high as the mountains
angry and deadly dark night ski
floating with the death everywhere
bodies falling slowly though the cold dark waters
I am standing under the great shadow of a mountain see
waiting for the crash to suck me into the path
of stampeding fallen water
people falling over me
Can't breath, numb, drowning
I struggle my head to stay above the fast crashing water
I float over the crashing water
grab hold the strong branched arm
pull myself from the water
away from the stench of death
hang waiting to become alive, saved and to fight the cold deep deathly water

Air Bipolar; come fly with us and lets fly far away

I love you bipolar, even though you are pretty annoying at times

it was a very entertaining condition for it gives me the high energy to live life to full,
until you crash down to earth
they call it bipolar now days bisexual sounds better but then that is just being greedy
falling from the north pole to the south pole on a pogo stick,
jumping high across the earth , land and mountains that reach to the sky and to another level of existence where the skies, rivers, streams roll into the wild crashing engulfing oceans
then you find frozen empty lands that roll into calm and warm seas,
in which there lies vast frozen landscapes and ice caps, snowing frozen deserted lands to never ending emptiness across the desserts of Africa with their mirages and delusions of water and life, littered with death and numbness
running high across the earth to reach the south pole to do it all again
This a long journey taken by us frequent flyer's of air bipolar: 'Come Fly with us, come fly away' until we glide or free fall into the priory or just float gently to destination stable ready to take off again...

23 Feb 2011 01:00am Note to self way past my bed time

Rants of a Mad woman's warped mind

I like to rant, my peotry rants about former lovers, madness, hate, death, mental illness, mania, depression, lost love, psychiatry, life, animals, the marginal outcasts of the university town of Cambridge UK. Between 2006 and 2011 I have been up, I have been down, I have been under, over, to hell and back and back again in years where bipolar has made me live my life and find out who I am - sometimes I take pictures sometimes they say something to me and my littleness in nature. My first poem from my crazy mind was Words it has all the words that have been heard by my ears mostly insults. I am not the sum parts of them words. I call myself mentalmandy inspired by my college drinking budies to be the name that described a free spirit vibrant presence in all the uni bars, drink all night party all night and sleep in lectures until the bar opens again.

Little Cat and Big Tiger

Moody Sky

Time

Time

I live in the present
The future does not exist
The past is as good as the present
The past is as real as the present
Yet also as real as a dream and just like a dream it seems unreal
It would be nice if everything stayed the same
breaking the cycle stuck in a rut
its hard to change when you can't change
sometimes change is not about choice
I cannot control the world I can only control myself
I have felt as if life is in control of me
I'd like to to be in control of me
I'd like to be in control of life
If you live in the past you take your past into your future
I have always lived in the present,
the future is just something that happens that becomes my past

May 2007

Mandy Peterson